Absent

Driving home from a Sunday dinner at my parents is my favorite for two reasons:

(1) it gives me time to think and (2) it lets me appreciate the blues they play on NPR on Sunday evenings. I was brainwashed by my parents questionable taste in music as a kid and with bad pop/rap music in high school, and lately I find that as an adult I am much more equipped to take it all in.  Tonight it was a bit longer of a drive due to the snow, and it gave me time to wrap my head around some things that have been keeping my brain so jumbled.  I tried to write a post several times these last few weeks, but I found that it was so much negativity I couldn't bring it here.  I am not that person, but there have been some toxic people that needed weeded out.

I feel like I have spent a lot of time in my (personal) life dancing around the big words.  I am always so concerned with hurting someones feelings and always so prepared to forgive them for hurting mine.  It's such a contrast from my professional life where I am assertive and goal-oriented.  It's one of the 'somethings' about myself that bothers me sometimes because I see that part of me as a weak, underdeveloped segment.  The truth is that an idea, relationship, or person can only hold us hostage if we let it and so many times I've let it.  I am happy to put my neck out for someone, happy to work 110% percent at it, but I will not and cannot be smothered into submission, even if it is the easier way.  We cannot keep things in our life only because we're afraid of what it will be like without them.  I think I'm discovering more and more that only if we let those things go can we REALLY see what life has to give us.  And that is so spot on on so many levels of my life right now.

My day at my parents consisted of fetch with this beautiful little face...

And of course, my parents living room has a deer head (and a really rad ceiling that my dad built)

It's about 8 degrees outside right now.  That is bad news bears for a girl with arthritis.  Isn't it strange the things that embarrass us?  I know it's not my fault, but I couldn't make my fingers work to get the door (steel door nob) to our apartment to turn today and I struggled with that thing for a LONG time... before finally using TWO (faulty) hands to get it to work.  I am laughing now but I wanted so desperately to get into the house and away from the front porch -- embarrassed  for whom I'm not sure because there wasn't a soul around.

I've had this (raging) headache for about 5 days, and within the last week about 4 nose bleeds, two at night that I woke up to.  Originally thinking it was dry, my sweet fella diligently made sure to plug in the humidifier, massage my sinuses, etc-- no luck.  Today I tried making sure to put heat on my tear ducts and not wear my contacts to make sure I wasn't just dealing with a clogged tear duct.  Nope, just wearing glasses with a headache which actually feels worse.   Guess it's time to see the doctor!

Thanks for being patient when I'm in these lulls. I'm leaving you with a youtube cover I've been obsessed with lately.  This girls voice has such a beautiful break in it.  What songs are you obsessed with lately?  Give me some new things to listen to!