Jan 12, 2012

I forgive you, we were just a couple of kids

I had talked recently about how gender generalizing is something I don't partake in--and then ate my words later when my best friend reminded me I've absolutely done it.  And my brain hasn't stopped reeling since. 

I think a big part of my head (and heart) has remained jaded from a relationship that really ruined me for a while.  The interesting part is the clarity and forgiveness happened much more readily after I realized my part and stopped with the blame game.   No one can make love work if they've lost who they loved, if they're a shell of a person.   Love can't be cultivated when one person depends on the other for their whole world.  Love is about ebb and flow.  It's about ups and downs and finding strength.  You have to be strong for yourself, and when that strength fails, lean on one another.  You have to know that you're a good person, a good friend.  Sometimes no matter what you do, if it's meant to be, it will end up good and what's not meant to be simply won't.   Despite prior rants that relationships suck (bitter moment), love is worth fighting for if the battle isn't one sided.  If it becomes this way, it's the opportune moment to realize that what you're giving someone is something they're unwilling or unable to reciprocate.   Forgive them, forgive yourself.    I need to be better, not bitter.

In other news, insomnia is still running rampant... I get a max of 4 hours lately.  It used to be falling asleep, but now even if I do that, I wake up after a few hours.  Started melatonin Sunday, so lets hope that starts to do the trick.   Apparently taking benadryl at bedtime is not so great...woops

1 comment:

  1. "I need to be better, not bitter." Well said Amanda. I spent alot time in the bitter zone. Nice new blog and I am so happy you are still writing.