Nov 29, 2011

Here's some clarification

I feel like after that (insane!) controversy I caused today,  I would like to go on the record with some clarification.  First things first: This all started with a smutty guy hitting on me with his child LITERALLY in his arms-- and when I say hitting, I mean discussing how my back rack looks in a pair of dress slacks.  I am not a man basher, man hater, or man eater.    I enjoy men, they're not usually as emotionally complicated as women.  I know we tend to over-analyze them often, but this adds to women's increasing complexity.  Men like it simple, 95% of the time anyway.   Secondly:  If you think I'm seeming bitter, hateful, resentful, or provoking some sort of self pity (or pity dates) you're crazy.  And you obviously don't know me.  I am a simple person who leads a complex, colorful, beautiful life.  I love it, and I know that while I'm human and get lonely, I am good at being on my own and healthy for not needing someone.  Craving someone is entirely different to me.    I think just from reading the actual status, and not the 90+ comments that followed you'd get the impression that I'm saying I want someone who is perfect.  I know we all have baggage and complications in life.  I just have found that in the past I tend to gravitate toward those who need fixed ... it's in my nature (and profession) and then I lose sight of what I deserve in a relationship and focus solely on helping that person.  That is essentially my flaw.  I end up coaching them and I don't know what position they think I'm in, but I am not the person to be coaching yourself--because I myself need to do some work--we all do right?  In a relationship, I am not your mother-- I'm your girlfriend.  I don't need to make your life choices, but I am happy to listen while you debate yours.  I have my own life dilemmas that need sorting out and I know it's tempting to tell me how to fix it, but it means a lot more when someone is supportive than when someone is directive.    Patrick, you were right when you insinuated it's better to know it from the get go than somewhere in the midst, I agree.  I just need to figure out how to stop helping put someones ducks in a row and to enjoy someone with their ducks already in the midst of the row, or at least the person managing their own ducks, ya dig?

Having said that:  I am not a "great" person.  I don't have my act together, I don't claim to, and I won't insinuate otherwise.  I'm a mess (and now singing Jason Mraz).   I will take responsibility for my messes though, and don't anticipate anyone else cleaning them up for me.  I can handle a lot, all I want from someone is simplicity.  Don't corner me, don't lecture me, don't parent me.   Having standards doesn't make someone seem entitled, it shows they know themselves well enough to know what will and will not work for them (in a sense).  In the same breath, I can say that while we make life plans and set expectations, the person who we fall in love with will probably always be the exception to those rule--however if we start out with someone who is dependent on us for everything--we're parenting, not dating.  We're enabling them to suck the life out of us emotionally.  And my job already does that sometimes.

I'm sorry if I offended someone.  I didn't mean to sound as though I insinuated I was better, entitled, or unaware that great guys exist.  It was a brutal sense of sarcasm instilled in me from  Sir Creepsalot at a coffee place.  I'm not sorry if you don't like that I'm mouthy and know what I want.  I know what I'm about.  You can accept it or you can choose not to.  That's the beauty of being an individual and I'm tired of people who insinuate that you can't say what's on your mind. 

-- we are fragile, we are human, we are shaped by the light we let through us --

1 comment:

  1. Why are you having to defend yourself? Thoughs in your life know what they have gottin themselves into when it comes to you. I found you to be a simple person who makes yourself look complex (a very woman thing). I think of you as a person who can parent without having kids. A person who sees a problem and feels obligated to fix it instead of just sitting back and letting that person fail. You cant help yourself. So of course your going to be attracted to guys who have to be fixed. I dont honestly know anybody that has everything together but good luck to you in finding a guy close to that. You may have to look for someone a little older to find that. Guys our age are still finding there way. Some are trying more than others but they still have alot on there plates. In indiana The goal of finding a guy is much simpler. You look for someone who isnt on drugs and doesnt sell them and can keep a job. Hopefully he doesnt have like 10 kids. Just remember to tell the guys your with thanks for the advice but just let me fail so i can learn. Ill do the same for you. Love Stephanie