Nov 20, 2011

real eyes. realize. real lies.

I haven't written in here in a bit.  I think largely because I didn't want criticism from people about where I was at (again) in my life.  I love my family, but there are certain members who can be a bit more critical about the fact that I'm turning 26 and haven't been married, haven't had kids, haven't whispered possibilities of it.  I should be clear that while marriage is extremely intimidating to me, it's not as though I never have plans to be there.  I love kids, love working with them, and love snuggling their cute little faces--but I'm not there yet either.  I joke that if I could asexual reproduce, I'd have a baby right now, because emotionally I feel ready for that.  Involving someone else into that equation, not so much.   I have great friends who are quirky and lovable and happy with someone who mirrors those individual qualities I love about them.  Love is about patience.  Settling means living half happy and waiting means complete fulfillment if you play the cards you're dealt correctly.  I like who I am and someone will have to learn that I am stubborn, and neurotic at times, and I over caffeinated and I bolt the second you try to tell me that I have to be anything less than happy.  I'm happy to support you on your tough days, but I have had enough of relationships where you ask me to join you in misery.  Sail that ship alone, my friend.   Selfish?  Perhaps.  But no one can bail you out of your rut but yourself, so it's a hard lesson but an important one.

Secondly, this seems noteworthy to me because with the holidays coming, I'm going to attempt to not get sucked into the largely growing pit of negativity that seems to be floating around.  If you're lonely, seek comfort in yourself.  If you're broke, seek happiness in the little things.  If you're lost, seek comfort in the fact that you can always create a new path.  If you're angry, if you're bitter, if you're looking to feel bigger by stepping on the dreams and hopes of others:  See ya.  You  have no room in my life.  I am fed up with passive aggressive--or down right aggressive-- people lately.  I am usually able to find some sense of positivity, some sort of understanding about people that are different from me.  I will try more adamantly to remind myself that I can't understand everything--that differences in people's lifestyles mean more diversity, more creativity, more hungry minds to write and read books, more colors, more love, more--strengths not struggles.  So if you see me slowly slinking out of a conversation that seems to be headed toward the destination of negativity, it's because I'm trying to keep a promise to myself. And if you see me being sucked into to negativity, please hold me accountable.  The last thing I need in this life is more stress.  I'm grateful to have great people, who give great hugs, and a great future with endless possibilities.  Bring on the "oh honey you'll find someone" holidays.

 I ain't never scared ;)

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written. Just keep being you, sweetie, and leave behind the critical people. You don't need that in your life, no matter how much you might love the person.