Dec 5, 2011

pretty little head full of words

It's funny when you have so much to say, sometimes you don't even know where to begin you know?  I write because it keeps me sane, and I make it public because it challenges me--and hopefully other people.  I think I am able to express far more about myself in writing than I can in person--probably not healthy but sincere.   It's so rare anymore that people see you for anything but face value, unless of course they hear it from someone else-- then that's got to be true (sarcasm here).   At the end of the day, I'm the one who deals with my mistakes and revels in my victories.  No need for you to determine which is which, and no need for you to point fingers when your hands clearly aren't clean themselves.    I am feisty lately.  I can't quite decide at which point I stopped caring so much about people that don't very much care about me, but it is incredibly liberating.  I've decided that those same people who judge me for my current lifestyle/choices are probably the people who didn't take the time to live their life fully before committing it to something/someone else and now are bitter.  If that's incorrect, so be it but I'm using that rationale.    It just seems silly to forgive someone simply because we don't want to lose them.  We should forgive them because they understand the hurt they caused, they deserve to be forgiven.

A side note about dating and chapter of my life for reference:  Is it just me or do we as women tend to complicate things to make them work to our advantage.  Example:  "You've been in the back of my mind lately"  is enough for us to hope.   And hoping leads to to us being distracted from plan A because of the potential of a plan B.   If we stopped complicating it, we'd know that "being in the back of his mind" isn't enough and if we take that, we're settling.  We don't want a closet admirer.  We want someone who can't stop thinking about us--who admittedly is smitten over the thought of us.  Anything less than that, is settling isn't it?   It's like being the other women or something--if I'm in the back of your mind, who is up front occupying most of your time?  I've been the fall back and the alternative.  It's exhausting.  And we can never start a new chapter if we continue re-reading the old one.  The same words are on that page, the story doesn't change.   I have been dealing with half committed men a lot lately.   All I want is someone with a heartwarming smile who makes me laugh and gives good hugs.  And is preferably not head over heels for someone else already, hitting on my friends, or carrying around some baby mama drama.   Let's just live in the moment, because length loses my interest, I'm an optimist and insatiable. 

I can't say much about my job, but I think it's okay to share that this week is our holiday party--and our community donated 2 rooms full of gifts and over 800 dollars to help make sure our foster kiddos have Christmas.  That really touches my heart.  And these kids, the things they ask for are so simple-- "red shoe laces" or "2 dollar bills".  Life is a really beautiful thing.

I thought I might blog on a topic next time, sometimes I think it gets boring to write about my overly introspective ideas.  Any suggestions are welcomed.  (You can leave anonymous comments!).


  1. i give Good hugs and can make you laugh. will you marry me.. although i would have baby daddy drama lol. i heart you amanda! and i love everything you do and how far you have gotten in life and everything you have accomplished. and very thankful for everything you have done for me and my family and your God daughter. and very happy to have you as my best friend. <3 Gina

  2. i got a topic for ya: finding love on the internet: how crazy it used to be vs how standard it's becoming

    nice butt!