I hate that I sit down to write lately and I'm so exhausted that half of it just floats out of my head. Lately I've been realizing more and more that being able to truly enjoy life doesn't mean having the perfect life, it means pursuing life like someday it will indeed be perfect. This job opens my eyes to who I am, who I'm not, and who I want to be. I think if I can use those three elements, I may just shape up to turn out alright.
This week I had a conversation with one of my kids and I thought I'd share it as inspiration:
me: _____ what are you thinking about? You're awfully quiet!
kid: In church they were saying a quote about "If God Brings You To It, He'll Bring You Through It". Do you think that's true?
me: I think so. I think we all make choices and it makes us stronger too. What about you? Do you think that's true?
kid: Yes. I think we can do whatever we want to. I mean how many times has someone wanted to fly away and didn't even think to just get on an airplane? I know things will get better.
I find inspiration everywhere lately. And I find that I'm a hell of a lot healthier when I let all my skeletons out of the closet. I also know I should be happier when I pursue the things that make me happy and stop worrying about what everyone else wants first--but there's this nagging responsibility about me that always puts others first. It's both a curse and a blessing. I need to learn to wait for people to meet me half way before I go running to their side.
Few little things to note and remind myself:
* it is impossible to smile on the outside and not feel at least a little better on the inside.
*think less about "the end" and "happily ever after" and live happily right now.
*eat more red meat. for the love of God! If you're out with me make me do it?