Feb 15, 2011

Little Specks.

I really like to fly.  It's one of the only times I can't escape my own brain with distraction.    I tried, trust me, because there are things I sort out and then some things that I dwell on.    If there's one thing that being laid off has given me, it's more time.  More time to sort out my head, my heart, my goals, my spirit.   I am so much more self aware these days.  I can sense the second I'm not getting something I think I deserve.  Please note that I said I can sense it, I didn't say I have the slightest clue what to do with it.   I am so rough on myself for not having all the answers right here, right now.  Seems silly because if I've ever learned something from my parents, it's that the things they loved most about their life is the journey, not where they arrived.  And half the time, where they thought they were headed was entirely different then the destination they arrived in.  If we're consistently looking in the rear view mirror or trying to foresee every turn ahead, we miss all the things we like about the nice long drive anyway.

Someday, whenever that's supposed to happen, someone will love you for who you are.  They will love all of those things you think you're not good enough at too....and those strange quirks that you try so desperately to hide.  For me, it's that I have weird alien toes, apologize for everything  (including apologizing too much), and drool Niagara Falls in my sleep.   Today I had a conversation with my best friend about things that give us a spark..that burst of motivation and energy.  I think people look toward love to "fix" them because there's nothing that replaces the spark you get from love.  It's lifes greatest motivator.  For good and bad.  What we really need to do is fill up our lives with the things and people that mean the most to us, the things that make us smile and laugh and feel at ease.  We've got so much potential--love will fall into place when we least expect it--so lets not bet it all on love.

Three Things That Make Me Smile On The Spot:
-Forehead Kisses
-Swinging (on swings, not in relationships)
-Finding The Exact Words To Say What's On Your Mind.

1 comment:

  1. Mom said, "Oh my God finally, her little Amanda is all grown up." :) She sends her love <3

    I'm really proud of this blog. You know, you always say I'm a good writer and poet, but Amanda, you are an exceptional writer and there's poetry all over in your writings. I love reading your blog, and your status' on facebook. You are amazing and I'm so happy that even in the slightest bit, you are happy. I love you sis. <3