Feb 24, 2011

I'm not lost, just wandering.

There are little things that make me get lonely-- and they're rarely the ones that most people think of. I don't wish for someone on Valentines day or when my bed gets really cold at night. I get lonely when it's snowing and I want to go make snow angels. I start to ache when I want someone to laugh at the stupid way I fell for the 52nd time this week. My heart feels that little ping when I fill up a bubble bath and want to be destressing with someone. . I get a little ache when I spend extra time looking pretty and it's not satisfying that creepy bar men are the only ones that notice. And I get lonely when I find the prettiest song with the perfect way I'd describe getting lost in someone, if I only could. I miss having someone when everyone else has used me and I feel all used up. I don't want this to sound like a "poor me" moment. I am insanely blessed with fantastic things in my life and I really like being who I am. I am confident that there is someone who will tangle into my life in such a clever way that I won't be able to push them out like I always do. But I wouldn't be human if there weren't nights like tonight where I wish that it were sooner.

"If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness. Don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again."

You might ask what i'm searching for, and while I can't explain it, I know when I find it, I'll know... through the smoke and past the mirrors.

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