Feb 20, 2011

I don't have a soul, I am a soul. I have a heart, a very big one.

I've been writing lately about how once someone enters my life, I'm not good at letting them out of it.   They say if you wonder what kind of person someone is, take a look at their friends.  Mine are a hodge podge of various types of people.  I wonder if that statement were reflective of me, what that says about me anyway?   Truth is, I hope it says that I accept people almost always.  I hope it says that while I am terrible for standing up for myself, I will do whatever it takes to stand up for you in the best way I know how.  I hope it shows that even if I can't support something you're doing, I can distance myself enough to not let it impact our friendship.  Just because you don't live your life the way I think you should doesn't mean you're not living it the way you see fit, the way you feel most alive.  Hell, if I were on the outside getting advice from me, I'm not entirely sure I'd listen either.  Having said that, I've let go of some people in the last few weeks, and that is not on accident nor easy.  That's taken a lot out of me but I know that though I value things about these people, they're not a good addition to my life.  One of those people hasn't been for a very long time.  Someday you will look in the mirror and realize that you used to be someone easily inspired, someone capable and hopeful.  You've let people be your valuables and lost all value in yourself.  I guess maybe it's true, it takes losing everything to cherish anything--and for that I still hold a lot of hope in my heart for you, but that's all that remains in there for you.

If there is one thing this vacation has shown me, it's that I am going to be exactly who I am and stop altering it for anyone.  I will stop swallowing words that mean so much to me because I think the person I'm giving them to won't accept them.  I may go out on a limb, may look like a fool, but at least I know I'm closer to happiness than those people who think instead of do.  I guess it really is true, I'd rather regret the things I've done than the things I haven't.

No comments:

Post a Comment