Feb 26, 2011

Chase your shadow, til the sun goes down

I think people fail to mention that being true to yourself means taking some heat. Mainly because it requires you to be honest in order to grow, and there are some people who don't like the truth--it brews a lot of feelings. The truth is I am who I am only because of the people I've met, the situations I've encountered, and the lessons I've learned from it all. I'm far from a saint. I have made mistakes and bad decisions and hurt people. And while those are always the hardest lessons, they too are lessons. I write because it saves me. I write because each time I do I learn something about myself. I think it's therapeutic and while it may not work for everyone, it gives me this sense of inner peace, a way to always discover a new chapter in the book of me.

Having said that, I decided to start posting them publicly (on facebook) because I tend to hold back parts of myself when I think someone won't accept it--even my own family. This year, my resolution was to be more transparent about all areas of myself, not just the ones I like or think will be accepted. It's never meant to be a place to air dirty laundry about someone. I write because I hope it's something relatable, I hope that for my own purposes it's memorable, a little documentation of all of my lessons. It allows me to reflect, to grow. I don't want whats left of me to be what I pretend to be-- I have been shattered, I have fallen on my face, I have created some of my own misery at times-- I'm still learning.

1 comment:

  1. exactly. sadly, most people like to live in an a world where they choose to neglect facing their decisions and actions and go on thinking it was always someone else's fault. must be nice. "ignorance is bliss" right? wrong. sometimes i feel like i cannot fit in with alot of people, most people, just for the simple fact that im not afraid to point the finger at myself. im not afraid to tell a story at my own expense. and im certaintly not afraid to admitt when i am wrong. so while it can make me an outcast at times, i think, fuck it, i dont want to be member of a cowardly group like that anyways.