I spend so much time at this job working with children and parents/families that I'm terrified I'll never do it or be good at it-- being a parent I mean. I see so many parents who want so badly to be liked by their child they forget to parent, to set goals, to step up, and to eventually earn the respect out of your child you deserve from setting expectations.
My whole family thinks I'm a joke when it comes to parenting-- that I don't like children or I will never have any. The truth is I spent so much time dealing with the possibility I might not be able to and even more time with children who deserve my time-- and I'm just so mad at them for doubting that. I will have kids-- my kids or someone else's, it makes no difference to me. Because my heart is giant and capable of love. Because my busy brain might make me a hovering parent, but if never wanting to let them get hurt is a bad thing, I'm alright with that.
I don't write much about work, but I would bet anyone is curious why I'm making some promises to myself on a public blog so long before this is even in my window of view. Part of it is seeing this family whose visit I am supervising hurt and experience the emotions that being let down by your parents can mean. And part of it is finding someone who you know you want that with. And most of this is from knowing a lot lately about what someone deserves as an individual, as a human being, as a learner.
Just want to remember this feeling so that some day I can be responsible for that little life and never ever take it for granted.