I don't think that writing about my feelings in the last few days is justified, because the second I try to put them here, they'll be distorted, lose their significance. There's beauty and ownership in all emotions, I think--including the ones we so desperately try to smother or fake away like sadness, grief, failure, and bitterness.
I think instead, I'll say: I'm learning....I'm learning so much. About repercussion, about loving, about living. I'm learning about drawing a line for what you're willing to take. I'm learning that if you care about someone, you'll be there when they call--no matter what. I'm learning that people seem to function less on happiness and more on circumstances. I'm learning about transitions. The funny thing with good endings is that it's never a happy
one. A good ending means it may not be what you wanted, but you knew it
had to happen. Those are the best endings, because they always lead to
better beginnings. I'm learning that forgiveness is a simple act of grace, and if you're wondering if you deserve it or if you've received it, you need only look at my face. I'm also learning that resilience isn't believing in yourself when it's easy, it's knowing you'll get through when you're curling your toes trying to grin and bear it. It's not optimism if you believe the world can be be a better place only when the future looks bright. You've got to know that when it looks like the light at the end of the tunnel has gone out, and you're standing there alone in the darkness that the next step you take means one of two things: there's something to land on or you'll learn how to fly.
That's what matters, that's when courage, faith, and determination motivate you into excellence. Life hasn't been handing me the most awesome circumstances (there's that word again!) but I promise to find happiness in every moment I can.