The trickiest thing about finding ones self is that on that journey, you (most often unintentionally) hurt other people. One way or another, they're twisted into our choices. And then suddenly we lose sight of our own path, stumbling over something we would have saw coming had we been focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes it's so hard to know that you're doing the right thing, despite the guilt welling up in your stomach because of the damage it did cause or will cause someone to hear it.
Talking with a great friend the other day... They helped me sum it up to this -- I often seek someone who is overly emotional because I can help them, because I am emotionally detached, and because I feel secure knowing they "need me" to be there for them. Truthfully I don't put thought into that, so it has to be a subconscious thing--but it lines up with a majority of my relationships. The bottom line is that whether you're the one doing the breaking up, or the one being broken up with-- you still get broken up inside.
I'm no saint. I know that I've burned bridges and made wrong choices-- but that's how you gain experience, that's how you find out who you are.