Dec 21, 2010

Unfold me, I am small, I'm needy. Warm me up, And breathe me.

I used to be really frustrated when in a paper, homework assignment, awkward social situation you're asked to "describe yourself". It seems silly right? You're basing your first impression of someone around what they're willing to tell you. I suppose, in their defense, they're hoping I'll reveal the interesting parts of me... but truthfully I'm telling you more by what I'm not saying than what I really say in those situations. I'm guarded. But no one wants to hear those things when you describe yourself. They want you to say that you like moonlit walks on the beach and hiking or something. I don't like hiking. I'm not outdoorsy or athletic. I hate working out. I'm not lazy, I just hate the extra efforts it takes me and how awkward I look with all I have wrong. It's painful.

I don't talk about my health stuff often, unless you read here... I don't have something life threatening, and therefore people don't think I'm sick. I'm not dying. But I do spend every day in pain. Is it weird that I find it resentful that they minimize it, even though I constantly conceal it and minimize it? It's just another example of how I expect people to figure me out, and get disappointed with they don't. Amanda Grace= Trainwreck.

Press Play: I am freakin' in LOVE with this song.. Makes me want to relax.. or have sex.. maybe both?

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