Sep 9, 2010

Put on my pjs and hop into bed I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead

The bittersweet catch 22 about working in the social work field is that you're here (ideally anyway) because you have an unfailing belief in people and a hope to make an impact on the world--in short you care... but taking your work home with you will suffocate you alive. I tend to not realize that I've brought it home until its haunting me at bedtime. You find some hairy things out working in this field.

Today was particularly hard. Being a mandated reporter makes your job that much more difficult. I can't even imagine what it's like to be raped. I can't begin to sympathize what being raped by a family member is like. I can't imagine that same family member being the reason you live out the rest of your life with an STD, having to take careful precaution some day to not give the same STD to your child. It makes me bitter that people can be that selfish, that heartless, that sick. But seeing the light in a child's eyes....the forgiveness they're capable of when I couldn't dream of it--that gives me hope.

Lately I have begun to see how someone could get into a routine of life and lose who they are. I feel like even though I'm living day to day I haven't felt alive in a while. I think I let my work consume me and my weekends are times to catch up from my week. My best friend flies in from LA next weekend and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED to hug her. I feel like I went from 24 to 45 overnight. It will be nice to feel comfortable in my own skin again.

There's sometime eating away at me, that I can't explain to anyone. I pray to God someone reading this has that too. Even though our issues are probably miles away, I feel comfort in knowing I'm not alone. It takes next to nothing to swallow in comparison to the damage it would do if I said it aloud.

Songs to Recommend:

Trouble- Ray LaMontagne

If I Die Young - The Band Perry (love you Linds)

Just The Way You Are- Bruno Mars


  1. We should all be warned that moment. It hits you, I'd assume everyones "it" is crazy different but when it does there seems to be no going back to the way it was. Seems to be unfair but maybe it's one of those necessary evils that open our eyes. I'd like to think me was.

    <3 Me + You + December = A MUST <3

  2. Me + You Hugging = HAPPY DAYS!

  3. The blogosphere has people, me included, out here reading what you're writing, relating, and wishing we could give you a hug!