Dec 29, 2010

Picked all my weeds and left the flowers

I feel like once a year I get to this point where I know it's time to weed out the bad.. . I am just brewing a need for change. I have been getting ragged on left and right about not rushing right back to work. Don't get me wrong, I need the money but I need to figure me out too--if I even want to be in New York state, the people in my life, where my head is, where my heart lies, what makes me tick. . .

I refuse to feel bad about what happened today-- I let it for about ten seconds before I realized that it's my birthday(at midnight) -- I shouldn't have to beg people to spend time with me on my freakin' birthday! I have a party the 8th of January, which I think gives people the idea that my actual birthday is minimal, but to my "close friends" I wish they'd realize that losing that job was like losing a part of me somehow and I've been denying it in my head all week. It's like a bad break up. It's not about the money--I've always been broke, I'll always be broke--with or without a job. It's about a sense of giving back, about those kids that I grew to adore, about feeling accomplished, which despite how little I talked about the job, I did.

Oh well. This whole thing will sound so minimal and stupid to me later that I'll want to delete it, but we all need someone to fill the void sometimes right? And it reminds me that it's the friends that stick with you when you're at your best and your worst that you can count on.

Silly little mixed up life.. I'm gonna bring change and passion to this world.


  1. Never rush. Don't let others influence you to rush, a suggestion for you, make a playlist on your ipod or a cd. The first few songs should be slow, thoughtful, empowering ( may I suggest ani difranco, or fiona apple) something that makes you feel "I am a woman, I am amazing!" then switch to a fast beat pop songs and dance your ass off. No medicine works like dancing. Play that playlist every morning (or afternoon)when you wake up and don't rush into going back to work.
    It's so depressing when you have to accept the fact that some people aren't worth having in your life, but it's so necessary to let them go.
    Don't stress about people who don't care enough to acknowledge you on your birthday. You deserve more than that, and you need to decide by yourself when you're ready to go back to work.

  2. Thank you for this comment.. made my whole day :)